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Małżeństwo opiekuńczo-bezradne

Małżeństwo opiekuńczo-bezradne działa na zasadzie kontrastu. Powstało, gdy jeden z partnerów miał problem, a drugi zaoferował pomoc. Partner opiekuńczy jest wrażliwy, rodzicielski i doradzający. Jest osobą, która musi czuć się potrzebna. Z kolei partner bezradny to osoba przytłoczona problemami, jest dziecinna, bezbronna, bezradna, potrzebująca porady. Związek ten przypomina wątki filmowe, w których kobieta została uratowana przez mężczyznę. Sytuacja ta ma miejsce przed zawarciem związku małżeńskiego i ciągnie się do momentu jego trwania. Ich związek zaczyna się w momencie zajmowania się rodzicami i wszelkimi problemami w postaci depresji, lęku czy słabych wyników w szkole, pracy, złego zagospodarowania pieniędzmi. Małżonkowie pomimo wzajemnych uczuć, mogą czuć się związani ze sobą z powodu pomocy, jaką ktoś zaoferował. Mąż nie widzi w tym nic romantycznego, a jedyne co go przyciąga to współczucie. Trwają w związku, gdyż nie chcą się ranić.stock-photo-21440887-starsza-para-zadowolony-z-ich-złote-lata

Małżeństwo to polega na tym, iż jedna osoba ?daje?, a druga ?bierze?. Obydwoje się wykorzystują, aby zaspokoić własne potrzeby. Nie liczy się dla nich niesienie pomocy innym, gdyż są zajęci zadowalaniem siebie. Taką relację z łatwością można dostrzec, gdy partner opiekuńczy pyta partnera, czy zażył lekarstwa, jak się czuje. Z kolei partner bezradny czuje się osaczony i kontrolowany. Może również dojść do zamiany rolami, wtedy partnerzy są dla siebie opiekunami. Może się to odbywać co kilka miesięcy bądź lat. Notoryczne zajmowanie się tymi samymi problemami bywa wyczerpujące. Opiekun jest wycieńczony pomaganiem, a partner bezradny ma dość sytuacji, w jakiej się znalazł.

Fundamentalnymi emocjami doświadczanymi przez małżonków są gniew i poczucie winy. Gniew wynika z frustracji, a wina z przekonania, że mogą robić coś pożyteczniejszego. Każde z małżonków wychodzi z założenia, że do przetrwania potrzebują jakiś problemów. Może zdarzyć tak, że zaczną współdziałać ze sobą, byle tylko utrzymać dotychczasowe problemy bądź stwarzać nowe. Silną stroną małżeństwa jest empatia. Mimo, iż żadne z nich nie lubi koncentrować się na problemach, wykazują zdolność do rozumienia drugiej osoby. Inną cechą jest samorozwój. Każdy dąży do czynienia postępów, jednakże nie wiedzą, jakie je osiągnąć.

stock-photo-37614334-młoda-para-cieszyć-się-dla-nowożeńcówJak pomóc takiemu małżeństwu? Mianowicie…

Postęp nastąpi, gdy każde z małżonków przestanie się koncentrować na swoich problemach. Aby to uczynić, muszą zwracać się do siebie w sposób motywujący. Partner opiekuńczy musi zacząć ograniczać udzielaną pomoc. W celu ułatwienia tego, należy skierować taką potrzebę na inny obiekt, np. działalność kościelną. Im szybciej porzuci opiekuńczą rolę, tym partner przejmie odpowiedzialność za swoje życie. W momencie nie okazywania pomocy osobie bezradnej, może ona odebrać to jako forma opuszczenia przez partnera. Aby takie małżeństwo przetrwało, osoba pomagająca musi podjąć ryzyko związane z pozbawieniem poczucia bezpieczeństwa. Z kolei osoba wymagająca pomocy, powinna zastanowić się, czy nie potrzebuje pomocy od osoby bardziej kompetentnej.

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